Screw the Vampire Women, Save the World!
by Lazy Pegasus
Summary: Crack fic! Bella is the chosen one who has to stop the Devil from destroying the world before Halloween comes. But in order to do that, she has to have sex with every female vampire in the world! Futa
1. Chapter 1

**Yay! Finally a story that I came up with and it's not based on a request! This plot has been bouncing in my head for almost 3 weeks! **

**Shout out to YaKuKu for wanting Futa Bella with every female vampire! **

**Gee, almost everyone kept on commenting about Bella's awesome cop/lycan image all because she keeps on fainting! Ha, makes me and my cousin laugh, thanks a lot guys!**

**One more thing; this is an AU story therefore everything is change and not based off the book or anything else. So don't try to correct me on anything just because it is not true.**

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**Prologue**

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_Bella…_

_Bella…_

_"Bella…" _

_"Bella…"_

Bella tossed and turned; her face contouring between a grimace and a frown. Her hot body was covered in sweat, in the middle of the night she kicked off her blanket and opened her window wide so that she cool air can—at least—cool off her body.

Today is not a good day for her; first she finds out that vampires exist! And six of them attend her school in a small town in Washington. Let's not also forget she found out her childhood friend can turn into a wolf! Well at least she's dating the hottest _guy_ in school; Edward Cullen, yep that's right the vampire. She doesn't care—he's hot and he is interested in her, good enough reason for Bella to become his human girlfriend.

_"Bella…"_

Bella bolted up, only to let out a scream when she was met face to face with a…Angel?

The Angel placed a dainty finger on her lips, immediately shutting her up, a pair of wings behind the Angel ruffled a bit before folding back. The Angel had on a robe like dress, a halo floating on her snowy white hair and a pair of stunning icy blue eyes.

"Am I dead?" Bella squeaked out, her eyes wide and her face was paler than usual.

"Of course not, Bella," The angel said, giggling as she removed her finger from the mortal's lips. She sat Indian style and began to float—freaking out Bella in the process. "Now then, Bella," the angel snapped her fingers and scroll appeared. "Do you know why I'm here for?"

The mortal merely shook her head slowly, her eyes wide as plates.

"Good, good," the angel pull out her glasses and began to scan over the scroll; "hmm…" she began to nod as she read, "Mmh…" With a final nod, the angel clapped her hands and the scroll disappeared.

Before Bella could blink—or even breath—the angel zapped her.

* * *

Bella slowly began to open her eyes, a sudden pain in her lower abdominal made her flinch. She grabbed her stomach as the pain intensified, but when she moved, she felt something move in her panties. She quickly removed her pajamas, after adjusting to the dim light in her room, what she saw made her eyes widen even bigger than before. A _huge_ bulge was formed in her panties; with fidgeting hands she slowly removed her underwear, until she was able to see what was causing the bulge. She was met with an 8 ½ inch penis! The appendage flopped upwards and began to bob slightly in the cool air of the room. "Wha…Ha…What!"

"Wow, I didn't expect it to be _that_ big…"

Bella turns to the source of the voice; only to find the _same_ angel as before, "what…What's…G-g-going on?" Bella tried to speak, but pure gibberish is all she could manage out.

The angel appeared next to Bella and gave her a warm smile, "hello there, _Chosen One_,"

"C-chosen one? Why d-d-did you call me—you didn't answer my question!"

The angel raised an eyebrow, but let out a small smile—enough to creep out Bella—"of course chosen one—"

"Why do you call me that?" Bella asked, flinching when cool air hit her—the penis—_thing_ attached to her.

"Well, Chosen One, the reason I call you that is because you are…the _Chosen One_!" The angel raised her hands in the air and gave Bella a big grin.

"That's not what I meant—"

"I know, but I will explain everything all in good time…" The way the angel said it made Bella feel at edge. "But first! Let us pay a visit to the Cullen Family!"

Yep, at edge

* * *

"She has to what!?"

Bella flinched at the booming sound of her boyfriend's voice; the vampire was currently having a "chat" with the angel.

Meanwhile Jasper, Emmet, and Carlisle all sported wide eyes and tried to control in their growling's.

Meanwhile Alice and Rosalie were both trying to absorb in what the hell just happen.

The reason all of this is happening is because Bella came to the vampire's coven and wanted to talk to them. Not a problem since the vampires treat her as one of her own—it was not only when the angel decided to pop out from behind Bella and proceeded to explain Bella's "mission" without said person's permission.

"Forgive me miss…" Carlisle spoke up, after watching for about 5 minutes of his son fight verbally with the angel. Causing both vampire and angel to stop their bickering and turn to the older vampire.

"You can call me, Fedora," the angel said with a wink.

"Miss Fedora, why exactly does Bella need to have sexual intercourse with _our_ mates?"

"It's very simple, Mr. Cullen," Fedora turned her attention to the blonde-male vampire, "you see, a long time ago a man named Vlad the Impaler III wanted immortality in order for him to continue on his ruling over Romania, by doing so he sold his sold to Lucifer—or as modern mortals call him now…The Devil." At the sound of the name, thunder began to roar from the skies, quite odd since the reports did say there won't be any chances of thunder storms what so ever. "Lucifer agreed and gave Vlad the ability of Immortality, but in order to stay young; Vlad must drink from the blood of the mortals, if he does not drain the blood the victim ends up like him—"

"A vampire!" Emmet spoke up.

Fedora stared at the tall man before muttering out, "Yes a vampire…" she turns her attention back to Carlisle, before continuing, "As time passed; more and more vampires began to form. Soon they started to gain special abilities,"

Every vampire in the room, minus Edward and Bella, nodded and played more attention to the angel.

"In fact the real reason vampires have gain these abilities is because Lucifer planned it."

Everyone looked at her as if she had grown another head.

"Let me explain; you see Lucifer knew that Vlad desire to be immortal will make him thirst for more blood. So he suggested Vlad to drain the blood from the guilty ones—their evil blood will make him stronger. And it worked, so Vlad will always find mortals who have done wrong and drain them…"

All this talk of blood and vampires began to make Bella feel dizzy.

"…But since Vlad only drains the blood, the victim's soul is left untouched. That is, until Vlad kills his victim and the soul will go to hell." Everyone, but Carlisle and Esme, still did not understand.

"So in other words; the soul from the human who was guilty of wrong doings goes to hell?" After Carlisle finished, everyone let out an "Oh!" with a few nods and smiles.

"Yes," the angel mumbled, wondering where the hell, no pun intended, did the generation became so dumb.

"But that still doesn't explain why Bella has to have sex with _every_ female vampire," Jasper said, clearly not liking the idea of anyone else touching _his_ Alice in any way. Also he is practically trying to control Edward from attacking the angel out of pure jealousy.

"I'll get to that," the angel said, already feeling agitated about these vampires _always_ interrupting her, _god, no wonder God doesn't like vampires._ She thought to herself, another good thing about being an angel is that the vampires can't use their abilities on her. Good thing too, since one of them is a mind reader. "Know then, as you know by now; the souls from the mortals are sent to hell. And since these souls died from having their blood drain, they serve as a special ability to Lucifer."

"Special ability?" That was Bella; finally being able to talk without worrying about her boyfriend's killing instincts.

"Yes, such as him using those souls to make his army stronger,"

At that, everyone's eyes widen; the fact that the Volturi will drink any human blood (without knowing if this person was good or not) is probably making the Devil stronger as they speak.

The angel shook her head—she read their thoughts—"no, the Volturi _already _knew about it." Everyone gasped, "Why do you think they drink human, after all? It certainly isn't because it tastes good."

If the vampires could, they all will be blushing sheepishly.

Time passed; Carlisle and Esme began to ponder, Alice and Jasper paced around, Emmet and Rosalie sat and think, Edward…Edward was just fuming, and Bella…Well she was just standing there hoping that this was all a dream or some kind of joke played by Emmet. 'Cause there is no way is she some sort of prophecy who has to…To…_Sleep_…With a bunch of female vampires just to…Stop the Devil? Yeah right.

"So are you going to tell us why Bella has to have sex with us?" Rosalie said, pointing to herself, her mother and sister too.

The angel turns to the blonde female vampire and let out a smile, "of course,"

Everyone decided to get comfortable, since Alice can't see what's going to happen.

"In order for Lucifer to get weak and his army to fail; God foretold that a woman trusted by vampires and unaffected by their powers is the chosen one who will defeat Lucifer." The angel paused, noticing that she got most of everyone's attention (except Edward's) before continuing, "By doing so, Bella has to have sexual intercourse with _only_ female vampires. Seeing as Vlad turned female mortals into vampires in order to become his wives, and because he did that, not only were the wives innocents but they were females. And Lucifer _needed_ male guilty souls in order for his army to become stronger," wow the Devil sounds so sexist, "that is why Bella must have sex with the females—"

"Why can't she have sex with human girls!?" Yelled Edward his anger rising and falling due to Jasper.

"_Because_ Vlad created innocent female vampires; opposite of what Lucifer wants!"

Edward seemed unconvinced.

Carlisle agreed with his son—surely there has to be some other way Bella could stop the Devil before he destroys the world with his army, right?

"Wrong, Dr. Cullen," Fedora said while turning to the doctor, "there is no other way, and even if there is I wouldn't have come here and be explaining all of this, now would I?"

Carlisle shut his mouth, _Burn!_

"Very well then…"

"**_WHAT!?_**"

The man flinched as the booming sound of his sons' voices mixed together, "we have to in order to stop Lucifer," he gentle said, feeling an imaginary headache rising. Even though he too disagrees with himself about this, but if it it'll save the world then…Well he has to deal with it. He looked into Fedora's icy blue eyes and nodded his approval, his mate rubbed his back and whispered sweet nothings into his ear, he reassure her and told her he was okay with it, just as long as Lucifer does not reign.

"Now remember Bella; you must have sex with _every_ female vampire out there—including the Volturi _and_ the newly added ones—before 'All Hallows Eve'—"

"You mean Halloween?" Asked Emmet as he rubbed the back of his head, this angel is like Carlisle but 10X.

Fedora nodded.

"Why?"

"Well with all the mortal teenagers who 'egg' people's houses and all. Oh and let's not forget the humans predicted the moon will be red as blood,"

That…Actually makes...No sense at all.

"Now then," the angel snapped her fingers and a scroll appeared, "the first vampire on the list is…Alice,"

"…Of course…"

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**What do you guys think?**


	2. Author's Note

**Ah shit, I hate doing these things; Authors Notes. Fuck.**

**Anyway there was an accident involving my aunt, she was diagnosed with breast cancer. Also she is my cousin's aunt—writer of "Baby Daddy" and "Clarity". Seeing as her mother is sick, she quit the writing life to focus on her mother's health. Now it's up to me to write these stories, but I too have problems of my own; I'm still looking for suitable colleges that met my educational need and waiting for the approval via mail. **

**So I regret to inform that "Clarity", "Baby Daddy", "Screw the vampire women, save the world", and "Behind closed doors" won't be updated or receive any attention till January or February of 2014.**

**Till next time, this is Lazy Pegasus signing off.**

**—Peace **


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